Embrace your best possible self

Changing your voice and communication patterns to better conform to your gender expression can be challenging. You must learn to play your vocal instrument as well as you can with what you have, even if you have seen improvements from testosterone (transmasculine) or pitch-raising surgery (transfeminine). In addition to compensating for biological limitations, you must counter habitual ways of talking that your brain and speech mechanism are used to producing. BUT, with practice and mindfulness, these challenges can be met with new, useful, and more satisfying ways of talking.

In that process, you should celebrate your overall improvement and even your small successes along the way, rather than expecting perfection or expecting to sound exactly cisgender. Aiming for your best possible voice is not only realistic but it is chance for you to accept yourself and be more confident and happy with your new skills. And in that way, other people will be more likely to respond positively to you and be more open to gender diversity!

The road to authenticity

The process of developing voice and speech habits that are more congruent with your gender identity, both for internal comfort and external expression, can be mysterious and challenging. You start out by trying various ways of talking that can indeed feel foreign or silly, and because of that, some people avoid working on their voices for fear that they will sound not only incongruent but unnatural as well.

Many people don’t realize is that there is a neurological component that shapes how the process will go. Having that foreign feeling is actually a natural part of learning a new behavior. That higher pitch or that bigger voice must feel new and weird because it is different than what you are used to. The key is to check whether your feelings of weirdness are because you are trying something new or because you actually sound unnatural.

With good feedback from a professional or an informed, experienced supporter, you can identify if your voice/speech modifications sound natural or not. My clients usually go through an initial period of feeling fake even though they are sounding natural in their new speaking. If you allow yourself to practice and use new ways of talking, these ways will gradually feel more real, both emotionally and physically, as the brain retrains the muscles to produce the desired skills in a more automatic way.

So, the bottom line is that there is often a period of feeling weird and fake before a more authentic feeling settles in. Just stick with it!

Phone voice

Many transpeople have trouble being misgendered over the phone, even when being gendered correctly in face-to-face conversations. This is primarily because the listener doesn’t have the added benefit of seeing the person’s appearance. Below are some recommendations for strategically using your best voice/speech skills when talking on the phone to people unfamiliar to you.

a. Start by saying, or even spelling, your name very clearly whenever appropriate.

b. Nail the first sentence. Your listener will likely make any determination regarding your overall identity within the first few words they hear you speak. Aim your pitch slightly higher or lower than you usually do.

c. Speak slowly.

d. Hum or lip trill or practice the conversation beforehand or when you are on hold.

e. Practice your best phone voice by leaving messages for a friend or recording fake messages on your own phone.